


Saints Should Always be Judged Guilty

by peachmacaroons



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Gen, Implied Relationships, References to Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-10
Updated: 2013-07-10
Packaged: 2017-12-18 09:08:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/878098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachmacaroons/pseuds/peachmacaroons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the cancelled meet and that motel, he cleans the ice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saints Should Always be Judged Guilty

**Author's Note:**

> Based on E306 and Orwell's "saints should always be judged guilty until they are proved innocent."
> 
> This is my first TEEN WOLF work. Previous fandoms were Supernatural, Smallville, and 2PM. Literally, I just got sucked into this fandom by accident and it was the best/worst thing ever. Also, Angst.

'Is she dead?'

Days after Derek caught him and Cora, Boyd goes back. The cold that hits him when he walks into the white rink causes him to sigh in relief. The feeling is so sudden, he can't breathe. Like he's drowning but that's okay. It's familiar.

*

He doesn't know if it's the dark blood gurgling from her mouth, so much that when she gasps there's no way air could actually reach her lungs, that kills her. He doesn't turn around. He won't this time.

*

It's not self-punishment. It's not. That implies that he wasn't at fault, just feels shameful anyway, but he doesn't. Feel shame. 

It's a sentence he doesn't even appeal because he's guilty. He's turned himself in and admitted fault and that's right. It's justice. The white rink, the job, the restraint and detainment. Justice.

*

Boyd looks the other way because in that moment all her whining, her annoying taunting, her voice ("you troll, you ugly, stupid troll!") are just _one more thing_. It makes him want her to disappear. Just fucking disappear. So he turns his back and skates away. His stupidly long legs taking him fast and far away. Too fast and far for her to catch up because she's still so little. Hasn't hit her first growth spurt like him.

Her words take him far into his head where rage and loneliness and responsibility for his family -- he's too young, not ready, he needs help and just -- everything tangles together. He blames and blames her, their dad (lack there of, really), their mom, and everyone for these feelings. Because he has no control and he needs to. To control the circumference of anything for once.

He doesn't ever even hear a crack. It's the silence that catches up to him. The absence of her incessant nagging and hanging off him snap him out and away from himself. Jolting back around, he tries to find his way to her but everything is so white. The ice, the snow, the sky and he feels like he's in some kind of oblivion. But he skates and skates until panic starts buzzing in the base of his skull. His numb fingers dial Mother automatically, she doesn't answer. 

He remembers, randomly, the nice deputy who came to class. Mr. Stilinski, the father of some spastic kid who's name he could never pronounce, was nice, kind. Didn't even bat an eye when he found Boyd alone in the back of the class. Gave him an extra cookie from the batch Stiles' mom had made and patted him. It made him feel like a man. 

When he calls 9-1-1, he says he'll only speak to the Deputy.

Mr. Stilinski is standing behind him when they find the hole with cold, black water sloshing over the edges. The Deputy's hand falls on Boyd's shoulder, he doesn't feel like a man. When they ask him again - again - again to explain what happened, he doesn't even feel like a boy anymore because _'is it my fault?'_

*

Later, months after, he's taking out the trash and bringing his mom a paycheck, even though technically he's still way too young to work, his mother doesn't look proud. Her expression is a static 'what did you do? _what did you do?'_. It stays even after he takes the bite to become strong enough for both of them. He tries.

__*_ _

__After the cancelled meet and that motel, he cleans the ice. It's familiar, the coldness. He doesn't bounce back like Ethan, Isaac, and eventually Scott. Those moments in the water with no breath and no sound are what he deserved. The cold numbness reminded him of the lack of feeling in his fingers when he pushed the officer aside to throw his hands in the water. Grappling at the edges when they tried to pull him away. The burning of his lungs and throat reminded him of his claws deep in his palms, staring at her pale face and red-blonde hair and holding his breath until she breathed again. She doesn't. When his eyes slipped shut he had desperately hoped his sentence was through._ _

__*_ _

__That time when the Deputy knelt in front of him trying to dry off his wet shaking hands there was no suspicion in his eyes, just maybe pity, Boyd felt like a monster. Still does._ _

__*_ _

__So his job is a reminder of what he did. What he didn't do. What he failed to protect. Both of them._ _

__It's justice._ _

__*_ _

__They scrape the pond that Spring after and her eyes are milky white. She is dead._ _


End file.
